DIRIGIYEM 3!

Here we go-a! Dirigiyem. Dirigiyem. Oh my god. Today, I decided that it would be a great idea to go to a Bell Tower and show Dirigiyem around. What I didn't count on is what happened. But, with Dirigiyem, you never know. When we were about to leave, he tried to sneak seven pounds of beef jerky, sunglasses, more Red Bull (no surprise there), a My Little Pony purse with more beef jerky in it, a 50 Cent autographed bazooka, and hiccup powder. He almost got in the purse and the red bull, but when someone comes out of a house carrying a 50 cent autographed bazooka, you don't just say "Oh, that's perfectly normal.". I was able to stop him because he didn't have any Red Bull yet. We go into the car and he hopped in the driver's seat. I was about to pull him out when he took the keys, put them in the ignition, and started the car. Then, he locked the door. I jumped on the windshield to pound it and hopefully he'd let me in, but, no, he pounded the gas pedal with all his might and the car started at 50 mph. I was pounding on the windsheild and screaming, but he was not paying attention. He was listening to a sea shell. The car eventually was going so fast that my cheeks flapped from air. Having wet, spitty cheeks slap against your face while you are on top of a speeding car with a questionable idiot driving is not the most pleasant of feelings. Finally, I climbed on to the top of the car and bashed in the sunroof. I fell into the car just as Dirigiyem pulled into the YMCA. I jumped on the wheel and forcefully drove all the way to the bell tower. We got out of the car and walked to the entrance. I got out my wallet and prepared to pay. I opened my wallet and looked inside. All that was in there was a buisness card from a liposuction company and a half-eaten postcard from Japan. My thought process- phew, car ride's over, get out wallet, huh. slightly light, open wallet, HUWHAT!, where's mah money, what's this, Carol's Lipo, god dang, what's this, Japan Postcard with bites, oh, duh, Dirigiyem. Then I screamed for him to give me back my money and he promptly vomited all over the floor. Out came his 50 cent bazooka and one thousand dollars. I picked it up and gave it to the man at the entrance so we could go in. We started walking up the stairs and guess who started walking down? Carol- from Carol's lipo. Dirigiyem suddenly said "GUUUUUURL SHAWNIQUA BON QUI QUI VIQUIMINISHA KOOLAIDRIA LA'TANIANA'BO'VANASHRIANIQUALIQUANICE! HOW YOU BEEN DOIN'?" Carol screamed and jumped out of the window. I was deeply alarmed and decided it was time to go home. He didn't. He grabbed my arm and flew up to the thing that makes a bell ring. He grabbed it and all the sudden decided that he didn't know how to fly anymore. No one else was in the bell tower but Dirigiyem and I. Of course, there was also the attendant, but, seeing as we were about 300 feet off the ground, it might be hard to hear us. While thinking, Dirigiyem immediately got out a massive chainsaw and sawed off the rung- thing. We bounced down forty flights of stairs. The rung flew up into the air, smashed into the ground, and the radiance from such a heavy object made the bell tower fall down on top of the dude in the front office. I broke several bones but, Dirigiyem, of course, was fine. As I was dragged out of the mess on a stretcher, he was eating KFC Fried Chicken and drinking Red Bull. I tried to yell at him to stop, but that didn't really work seeing how my jaw is broken. As the ambulance drove away, I saw him become enraged and dump the rest of the chicken on a policeman's head.


Sigh.