Government Suggestions

So, I have been doing stuff lately. I... well... listened to Lonely Island and stuff. Um... OH! So, I had this really creepy thing happen to me today. On Thursday, I drew a very large Sysco truck on a small street with a serial killer on top of the truck holding two knives and screaming about... I don't know, salami or something. It doesn't matter. Then, today, I went to a market, and I saw a Sysco truck and a guy holding a few packages of salami. I screamed, ran, tripped, got up, and ran home. I also found this creepy japanese package on the sidewalk that looked kind of like John Waters rubbing a sponge on a refrigerator. Then, I went to Richard's Variety Store to get some fake mustaches and found a SUPER AWESOME CHICKEN MASK! But it was 35 dollars. Also, people have been asking about lists lately. Wait, no they haven't. I lied. But here's a list of things I think the government should seriously consider.

1) Ok, bring back the white wigs. They are so awesome. I mean, look at George Washington, with his super cool wig, chilling in his office, LIKE A BOSS!

Don't you think that other people would look super cool in those wigs? Imagine Rihanna(hey, she popped in my head at the moment, so that's who I'm going with) wearing a wig and singing "Umbrella"- with an awesome wig instead of just plain old hair. Now, Ok, Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj do not have to worry about hair problems. They have it down. Sometimes I just think that Lady Gaga just takes what she's thinking about and puts it on her head. (Oh, Rottweilers? Ok! Gigantic snowflakes? Cool. Hmm... xenophilacs? How much does it cost? One billion? Ok, fits the budget. Hey guys, I've got an idea? What about just HAIR? Nah, let's go with a to- scale model of the pacific tectonic plate.)

2) HORSES! That's where it's at. The funk soul brother. Check it out now. If we used horses and planes, the pollution problem would be way lower. But don't get out your whips! Don't abuse the horses. Just calmly say "Run". OK? Is that in your head? No need to make deep cuts and gashes. No need to stab a horse in the back repetitively to make it go. No need to damage the horse's eardrums by getting a megaphone and shouting encouragement for the horse directly into it's ear. Just say run. It's one of the words from us humans that horses actually understand. (Unless your horse is Mr. Ed or incredibly intelligent) And just because they get one word doesn't mean you can sit and chat over coffee and scones. Horses get "run". They do not get "Oh- my- god. Jessica- girl, did you see Brad Pitt in that underwear ad? He was a-smokin! Oh my gawd!" Do not chat with a horse. A horse is a horse, of course, of course, not yo BFF Jessica.

3) Try to move the white house. Seriously. The thing is on the coast. It's pretty, and all, but terrorist and whatever have the easiest access to it there, on the coast. Instead of the white house being in Washington D.C., it should be in, like, Nebraska. I'm just saying. Seriously, if a terrorist was in a plane or something, they might have a lot of feul when they leave, but after crossing the ocean, they won't have much feul. Then, to go all the way to NEBRASKA? Seriously, the plane would crash in some feild or something. Unless, of course, it came from in the US. Then, we would be all toast. Just a suggestion, of course.

4) I don't know. Those are my main ones. If you have more, comment or whatever.

Ben