Saturday, April 30, 2011

Pub Cheese Is Eternally Awesome

Yesterday I went to Trader Joe's, and there's this sample bar there that had this pepper hummus. I was going to get some and I walked past the cheese, and I was totally unaware of total awesomeness that was lurking there. I had the sudden impulse to turn around, and this is what I saw-WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEEEEEIEIEIEIEIEIEEIEIEIEIEIEZZZZZZZZZZZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed it and ran to the register. I bought it in a matter of fifteen seconds. Later that night, I was in the house, and this happened.





Yah, that's what happened.



UPDATE: Ok, so I was lying. Pub Cheese is really gross in large amounts and even medium amounts. I recommend the kind without horseradish. It's much better. Sorry, this kind of debunks the post's purpose. Oh, what the heck.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Euphimisms, Yay!





Ok, actually, these all mean to kill.





account for, ace, auto-da-fe, axe,bag, bake, barker, bathhouse, bellyful of lead, blank, blast, blip off, block out, blow away, brace, Brigport dagger, bring down, bucket, bump, bump-man, Burke, burn, buisiness, button, call out, capital, capital charge, capital crime, capital punishment, capital sentences unit... They go on for pages with a font size of 7. They also have a few other funnies I'd like to mention such as: meshugga (mentally unstable), mature, classically proportioned(which both mean obese), unbese (OK, do I really have to define this), rainbow fascist (no clue), assembly area, Fanny Hill, deep porridge, G, Capone's Hotel (which all mean prison), and, the best one of all, to cabbage(to steal). Pictures!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Mint






















Ok, first of all, mint. It's tasty, green, and favored by most gum companies. Well, think, how was mint created? It's not like this random green plant pops out of a ground and then some guy says "Hey, I'll eat that!" It's the same with milk. Seriously, who walks up to a cow and says "Hey, I'm gonna squeeze this thing that looks weird and drink whatever comes out of it!" Anyways, back to mint.












































Mint









Once there was a dude who had tried all the spices in the world. He was, like, 95 and he wanted to try just one more ultimate spice before he died. Being the only one who wished this, the God of Spice took him to his lair.







He told him that there was an ultimate spice and he could have it but it was full of a incredible poison and he was definitely going to die. And this is what he said.








The spice was called-






MORT






The God would let the old dude try the spice if he promised not to say "Chisken" while eating it. So, the god left and got the spice and came back. The old man saw the spice like so-




So he grabbed it, ate it and precisely 0.9845375028438449 seconds into the chew, he said "Tastes like chicken" which was interpreted by the god of spice as "Tastes like chisken" in whick the god turned into a lock of hair. The hair had such suctiony power that it absorbed all of the flavory intense poison from the plant. Then the old guy introduced it to the world.




The sort of lame end




There ya have it.




Ben











Monday, April 25, 2011

Random Phrases, Hooray!!!!

I have been wanting to do this forever. This is a mix-and-match thingamajig to make your own random words. Aand- Tadaaa!












  • 1








  • Penguin








  • Oranges








  • Boar








  • Cow








  • Lard








  • Fairy








  • Flower








  • Bison








  • Camel








  • Genosekuto








  • Cracks








  • West








  • California








  • Kazakhstan








  • Juice








  • Religion








  • Art








  • India








  • Tea








  • Herbal Tea








  • Eagle








  • Betty Crocker








  • Wall








  • Pie








  • Lettuce
    Stephanie Germanotta








  • Homicide








  • Doom








  • Sock








  • Baseball








  • Thesaurus








  • Pentagon








  • "Devil With The Blue Dress"








  • Beast








  • The Moon








  • Genocide








  • Towel








  • Water






  • Petal


And Anything else!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

BP Oil Spill






It has recently come to my attention that USA cares less about this


Than they do about this!




Seriously!! BP says "Oh, well we put this stuff in the water and it's safe and now you can eat seafood and go swimming again!! Yay!!" Therefore, the media and pretty much everybody else stopped caring. However, guess what??? The dispersant they put in the water is actually worse than the oil itself! It paralysed someone!! Hundreds of animals are still dying each day! So... ummm... British Petroleum? Uh, a little note, YOUR ATTEMPT TO COVER THE OIL UP DID NOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you know what the worst part is? The scientists working to find out the oil spill's status or whatever can't even say anything to the other scientists, let alone the public! The dang congress has some stupid law that you're "not allowed to reveal the facts of a case until it's closed". Yeah, for a murder case, not an oil spill. So, in a few weeks, I shall make a full runthrough of the spill, just to show you what's really happening in the gulf. What do you think? Should BP just "B" gone?



Mad As Something That's Really Mad Times 1000, Ben



Friday, April 22, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

BlabaBlabaBlabaaaa...













I am so bored!!!!!!!!!! I want to do something fun, so I am now blogging. Like two nights ago the weirdest thing happened. The Sweetwater 420 Fest was on this weekend, and there were so many drunk people you could'nt beleive. Anyways, a man and a woman had a big fight and they were like trying to kill each other. My house was forty feet away from the situation. It was scary. I thought a bullet or a knife would come flying through the window and stab me. Anyways, surprisingly, they let children in there. I have created a picture of what a little kid says there when they have an alcoholic for a parent.
















Kid: Daddy? Can I get a soda?








Dad: Umphrumph huhh.








Kid: Daddy?








Dad: Suuure... Hhonney... Here's a... a nickel.








Kid: Daddy, soda is 2$.








Dad: Ohh!! Soo... The government wants my money, huh? Well, *****************!***************************************!***************************************!!!*********************************!!!!!!!!***************************************************************************!!!!!!!!!!!!








(after several minutes of excessive cursing). Here, honey, take this nice billion dollars and buy yourself a soda.








Kid: Daddy, this is your beer can.








Oh, honey, I'm sorry, here's two dollars.








Kid: Daddy, this is your other beer can.








Dad: Ok, then here!








Um... Daddy, this is all 17 beer cans that you drank, plus a bottle of vodka that's still half full, and some... Daddy, what's this?








Dad: Honey, It's Absinthe.








Kid: Oh. Um, can we go home?








Dad: Sure, honey... um... wait, why?








Kid: It's 1:00 A.M. .








Dad: One minute, honey, Daddy needs a nap.








Kid: But...
























See? There's the reason.
























And now, for pictures!!!