TONIGHT, I WON! I BEAT MY LONG-TIME ENEMY, THE COCKROACH, IN A BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!
BOOM.
Oh yeah. This post may seem sadistic, but believe me, this roach had it coming.
It all started about a month ago...
I was making tea in my kitchen. All life was normal. It was a simple time.
Sort of. Anyways, I was making tea, and I grab the sugar pot, and I notice something. There is a cockroach living behind it.Our rivalry begins... now!
(WARNING: EXTREME IMMATURITY ENSUES)
21 Hours. At the bunker. The enemy is closeby. Not scared. Have sombrero.
I have assembled my team of elites to fight this powerful enemy. They are- the bros.
Our battle begins.
Me: kkhrrrKKshhh... Come in, Prof. Bear!
Bear: Hello, Captain!
Me: Send in the three.
Bear: Ok, captain.
Flamboyant Yellow Cat: Who'll kill the cockroach? I will!
Turtle: Of course you will. I'm super slow and silent cat just sits there.
Silent Cat:...
Bear: Captain! Should I send in our stealthy one?
Me: Absolutely.
Stealth Dog: Oh yeaah. Imma get in there with my incredible disguise. Watch this guys.
Stealth Dog: Never will you find me.
Me: Good job dog. Uh oh.
Me: Lost my sombrero.
Bear: Can you go on, captain?
Me: I must keep going! Even without the great sombrero I am still more human than that wretched cockroach!
Bear: You have a bit of an advantage, sir.
Me: But even if I were a roach and he was a human, I would still be more of a human..
Bear: WHOA. You just blew my mind.
Me: Send in the golden man and dragon.
Bear: Are you sure? Golden is very reckless.
Me: As am I. Send him in.
Bear: Very well, sir.
Dragon: GD! What are you doing?
GD: Spying on the enemy.
Dragon: But, if he sees you-
Dragon: NOOOOOO! GD!!!!!
Bear: GD's down! GD's down!
Me: We must keep fighting!
Dragon: This will not go unnoticed. Cockroach, today you die!
Bear: NO! Dragon... don't you dare...
Dragon: Oh, I dare, bear.
Dragon: I got the weapon!
Me: Dragon... think this through, broheim...
Cockroach: I got a line off GD! Hahahaa! Now imma fly everywhere in a very amateur-like fashion!
Me: Ok, dragon, kill him now.
Dragon: OH YEEAAAAH!
Walky Talky: Shhing! Shlopschtingshtupupupupzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzblooooooosh!
Me: Eww...
Dragon: Got 'im!
Cockroach: That "me" was a balloon of marinara sauce! Sucker! Oops! Just fell down a hole in this sink. Handy. I can get out easy just by grabbing these little-
Me: Nope.
Me: That hole is called the sink disposal, broseph.
Cockroach: Oh crap.
Cockroach: NonononoNonONONONONONONONO!!!!
ZZZZZZZZZZZcrcktzshsplshgushzzZZZZZZZzZZZZzZZZZzzzoooup
Me: Mission accomplished.
THE END
Ok, so that's obviously not really what happened, but the cockroach did get chopped up in the disposal. I'm also not a sadist, I'm just annoyed by cockroaches. They're nasty. And when they are alive and in my house at the same time I think they're going to crawl on my feet while I sleep. Therefore I kill them with a broom. Most of the time. (Hee-hee says the disposal.)
-Ben
Cockroaches BLEED?!?!?!?
ReplyDeleteWow. Never knew that.
....
Wwwaaaait.
(turns around slowly with horrified look while scary music plays)
NO!!!!!
COCKROACHES DON'T BLEED! THAT WASN'T THE COCKROACH IN THE SINK- IT WAS JUST MORE MARINARA SAUCE!!!!
Besides, do you know how nimble them buggers are? Very. It would have been no problem for the little guy to dodge through the twirling blades, cling to the wall, open up his secret can of extra marinara, and slip away quietly into the sewer.
Well, hopefully it doesn't return! But keep a look out at all times, Ben. Otherwise you may be caught of guard by....
THE RETURN OF THE COCKROACH!!!!
Poor little Croatia...no votes :(
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