TONIGHT, I WON! I BEAT MY LONG-TIME ENEMY, THE COCKROACH, IN A BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!
BOOM.
Oh yeah. This post may seem sadistic, but believe me, this roach had it coming.
It all started about a month ago...
I was making tea in my kitchen. All life was normal. It was a simple time.
Sort of. Anyways, I was making tea, and I grab the sugar pot, and I notice something. There is a cockroach living behind it.Our rivalry begins... now!
(WARNING: EXTREME IMMATURITY ENSUES)
21 Hours. At the bunker. The enemy is closeby. Not scared. Have sombrero.
I have assembled my team of elites to fight this powerful enemy. They are- the bros.
Our battle begins.
Me: kkhrrrKKshhh... Come in, Prof. Bear!
Bear: Hello, Captain!
Me: Send in the three.
Bear: Ok, captain.
Flamboyant Yellow Cat: Who'll kill the cockroach? I will!
Turtle: Of course you will. I'm super slow and silent cat just sits there.
Silent Cat:...
Bear: Captain! Should I send in our stealthy one?
Me: Absolutely.
Stealth Dog: Oh yeaah. Imma get in there with my incredible disguise. Watch this guys.
Stealth Dog: Never will you find me.
Me: Good job dog. Uh oh.
Me: Lost my sombrero.
Bear: Can you go on, captain?
Me: I must keep going! Even without the great sombrero I am still more human than that wretched cockroach!
Bear: You have a bit of an advantage, sir.
Me: But even if I were a roach and he was a human, I would still be more of a human..
Bear: WHOA. You just blew my mind.
Me: Send in the golden man and dragon.
Bear: Are you sure? Golden is very reckless.
Me: As am I. Send him in.
Bear: Very well, sir.
Dragon: GD! What are you doing?
GD: Spying on the enemy.
Dragon: But, if he sees you-
Dragon: NOOOOOO! GD!!!!!
Bear: GD's down! GD's down!
Me: We must keep fighting!
Dragon: This will not go unnoticed. Cockroach, today you die!
Bear: NO! Dragon... don't you dare...
Dragon: Oh, I dare, bear.
Dragon: I got the weapon!
Me: Dragon... think this through, broheim...
Cockroach: I got a line off GD! Hahahaa! Now imma fly everywhere in a very amateur-like fashion!
Me: Ok, dragon, kill him now.
Dragon: OH YEEAAAAH!
Walky Talky: Shhing! Shlopschtingshtupupupupzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzblooooooosh!
Me: Eww...
Dragon: Got 'im!
Cockroach: That "me" was a balloon of marinara sauce! Sucker! Oops! Just fell down a hole in this sink. Handy. I can get out easy just by grabbing these little-
Me: Nope.
Me: That hole is called the sink disposal, broseph.
Cockroach: Oh crap.
Cockroach: NonononoNonONONONONONONONO!!!!
ZZZZZZZZZZZcrcktzshsplshgushzzZZZZZZZzZZZZzZZZZzzzoooup
Me: Mission accomplished.
THE END
Ok, so that's obviously not really what happened, but the cockroach did get chopped up in the disposal. I'm also not a sadist, I'm just annoyed by cockroaches. They're nasty. And when they are alive and in my house at the same time I think they're going to crawl on my feet while I sleep. Therefore I kill them with a broom. Most of the time. (Hee-hee says the disposal.)
-Ben
