Pub Cheese Is Eternally Awesome

Yesterday I went to Trader Joe's, and there's this sample bar there that had this pepper hummus. I was going to get some and I walked past the cheese, and I was totally unaware of total awesomeness that was lurking there. I had the sudden impulse to turn around, and this is what I saw-WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEEEEEIEIEIEIEIEIEEIEIEIEIEIEZZZZZZZZZZZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed it and ran to the register. I bought it in a matter of fifteen seconds. Later that night, I was in the house, and this happened.

Yah, that's what happened.

UPDATE: Ok, so I was lying. Pub Cheese is really gross in large amounts and even medium amounts. I recommend the kind without horseradish. It's much better. Sorry, this kind of debunks the post's purpose. Oh, what the heck.

Euphimisms, Yay!

Ok, actually, these all mean to kill.

account for, ace, auto-da-fe, axe,bag, bake, barker, bathhouse, bellyful of lead, blank, blast, blip off, block out, blow away, brace, Brigport dagger, bring down, bucket, bump, bump-man, Burke, burn, buisiness, button, call out, capital, capital charge, capital crime, capital punishment, capital sentences unit... They go on for pages with a font size of 7. They also have a few other funnies I'd like to mention such as: meshugga (mentally unstable), mature, classically proportioned(which both mean obese), unbese (OK, do I really have to define this), rainbow fascist (no clue), assembly area, Fanny Hill, deep porridge, G, Capone's Hotel (which all mean prison), and, the best one of all, to cabbage(to steal). Pictures!

Mint

Ok, first of all, mint. It's tasty, green, and favored by most gum companies. Well, think, how was mint created? It's not like this random green plant pops out of a ground and then some guy says "Hey, I'll eat that!" It's the same with milk. Seriously, who walks up to a cow and says "Hey, I'm gonna squeeze this thing that looks weird and drink whatever comes out of it!" Anyways, back to mint.

Mint

Once there was a dude who had tried all the spices in the world. He was, like, 95 and he wanted to try just one more ultimate spice before he died. Being the only one who wished this, the God of Spice took him to his lair.

He told him that there was an ultimate spice and he could have it but it was full of a incredible poison and he was definitely going to die. And this is what he said.

The spice was called-

MORT

The God would let the old dude try the spice if he promised not to say "Chisken" while eating it. So, the god left and got the spice and came back. The old man saw the spice like so-

So he grabbed it, ate it and precisely 0.9845375028438449 seconds into the chew, he said "Tastes like chicken" which was interpreted by the god of spice as "Tastes like chisken" in whick the god turned into a lock of hair. The hair had such suctiony power that it absorbed all of the flavory intense poison from the plant. Then the old guy introduced it to the world.

The sort of lame end

There ya have it.

Ben

Random Phrases, Hooray!!!!

I have been wanting to do this forever. This is a mix-and-match thingamajig to make your own random words. Aand- Tadaaa!

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  1





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  Penguin





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  Oranges





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  Boar





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  Cow





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  Lard





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  Fairy





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  Flower





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  Bison





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  Camel





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  Genosekuto





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  Cracks





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  West





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  California





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  Kazakhstan





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  Juice





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  Religion





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  Art





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  India





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  Tea





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  Herbal Tea





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  Eagle





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  Betty Crocker





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  Wall





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  Pie





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  Lettuce
  Stephanie Germanotta





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  Homicide





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  Doom





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  Sock





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  Baseball





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  Thesaurus





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  Pentagon





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  "Devil With The Blue Dress"





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  Beast





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  The Moon





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  Genocide





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  Towel





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  Water





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  Petal

And Anything else!

BP Oil Spill

It has recently come to my attention that USA cares less about this

Than they do about this!

Seriously!! BP says "Oh, well we put this stuff in the water and it's safe and now you can eat seafood and go swimming again!! Yay!!" Therefore, the media and pretty much everybody else stopped caring. However, guess what??? The dispersant they put in the water is actually worse than the oil itself! It paralysed someone!! Hundreds of animals are still dying each day! So... ummm... British Petroleum? Uh, a little note, YOUR ATTEMPT TO COVER THE OIL UP DID NOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you know what the worst part is? The scientists working to find out the oil spill's status or whatever can't even say anything to the other scientists, let alone the public! The dang congress has some stupid law that you're "not allowed to reveal the facts of a case until it's closed". Yeah, for a murder case, not an oil spill. So, in a few weeks, I shall make a full runthrough of the spill, just to show you what's really happening in the gulf. What do you think? Should BP just "B" gone?

Mad As Something That's Really Mad Times 1000, Ben

Animationable

Ummmm...
The animation is in the sidebar because I made it on another computer.

BlabaBlabaBlabaaaa...

I am so bored!!!!!!!!!! I want to do something fun, so I am now blogging. Like two nights ago the weirdest thing happened. The Sweetwater 420 Fest was on this weekend, and there were so many drunk people you could'nt beleive. Anyways, a man and a woman had a big fight and they were like trying to kill each other. My house was forty feet away from the situation. It was scary. I thought a bullet or a knife would come flying through the window and stab me. Anyways, surprisingly, they let children in there. I have created a picture of what a little kid says there when they have an alcoholic for a parent.

Kid: Daddy? Can I get a soda?

Dad: Umphrumph huhh.

Kid: Daddy?

Dad: Suuure... Hhonney... Here's a... a nickel.

Kid: Daddy, soda is 2$.

Dad: Ohh!! Soo... The government wants my money, huh? Well, *****************!***************************************!***************************************!!!*********************************!!!!!!!!***************************************************************************!!!!!!!!!!!!

(after several minutes of excessive cursing). Here, honey, take this nice billion dollars and buy yourself a soda.

Kid: Daddy, this is your beer can.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry, here's two dollars.

Kid: Daddy, this is your other beer can.

Dad: Ok, then here!

Um... Daddy, this is all 17 beer cans that you drank, plus a bottle of vodka that's still half full, and some... Daddy, what's this?

Dad: Honey, It's Absinthe.

Kid: Oh. Um, can we go home?

Dad: Sure, honey... um... wait, why?

Kid: It's 1:00 A.M. .

Dad: One minute, honey, Daddy needs a nap.

Kid: But...

See? There's the reason.

And now, for pictures!!!

Hallelujah Goes With Anything!!!!

Well, here it is. I have finally found the song that will go with literally any video, movie, or tape. The song is "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley. There is only one problem. The video has to be in slowmotion or else it doesn't work.Therefore, we put ourselves in slowmo. Here is my kinda-lame slowmo video of hallelujah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS_v4pnmVT0

That's the link. Unfortunately, it was bucketing outside when we filmed, but in the camera, it sounds like somebody crumpling a really big peice of tinfoil or aluminum. However, when I zoomed into my 2nd grade friend's head, this HUMONGOUS thunderclap and it made it really dramatically cool. Anyways, the wrapup of this post is - Hallelujah goes with any movie, but only if it's in slowmo, slowmo is hard to do without proper software, storms are really sucky but super cool all at the same time, and this sentence is gramatically incorrect.

Ben

Towel on a Bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know those ads on TV that are really ultradramatic? Well, I'm making some, aand here is the first.

Also, here is the link for the full vid on youtube. Ah, the dumb computer wont paste. Ok, well, here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Okd3lwYTK1Y

Ben.

6 Weeks!!!!!!!

Omg. There is only six weeks until school is out again!!! This is the fastest year ever!!!!! On May 25, I (not that anyone cares), will be doing a SUPERDUPERPOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will cap all of the year's events (good and bad)!!!!! Noone will probably read it but it will be fun to type. And now... for some weird old ads!!!!

That Thar Lake

Ok, here is a story about a creepy old guy and ... cheerleaders. Oh, and

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alcohol is used. Veiwer discretion advised.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Thar Lake

Once upon a time, or sometime in the future, or past, or at least sometime, there was a team of cheerleaders who won a game. Their coach was going to take them to a lake about 30 miles away. A few days later, everyone was ready for the trip, but the coach fell sick. All of the squad decided that they could go by themselves (as they were in college) and drove there. About halfway there, they stopped for gas. When they had paid for it, some mentally ill old guy came up to them. He said "Hey, I'll pump your gas! Whar ya headed?" The cheerleader pumping the gas said "Oh, we're going to the lake about 15 miles up the road." Suddenly, the old man freaked out. He exclaimed "No! Ya can't go thar! That thar lake 'll eat ye up! No one went down thar and came back alive!" The cheerleader said "You're mental." Then, she drove off. Later that night, at around 7:30, they decided to whip out the booze. Eventually, everybody was so drunk that one cheerleader went in the water. Suddenly, she started screaming. Everyone thought she was so drunk, and that's why she was screaming. Then everyone passed out and she was pulled under the water.

THE NEXT MORNING...

They wake up and they just cannot find one of the cheerleaders, so they go out in the water to search for her. Suddenly, cheerleaders drop under the water like rocks. The last one standing is racing back to land when - splash. Suddenly, a strange figure in a S.C.U.B.A. suit came out of the water. He/she pulled off the mask and it's the old mental man from the gas station and he says" I told em' that thar lake ll' eat em' up!

The end

Cornmeal and Ads Are Weird - and Then A Little Bit On Dirigiyem

Ok, first of all, cornmeal is sand. LITERALLY. It looks like sand, it feels like sand, it tastes like sand, and it even smells like sand!!! Ok, just wanted to get that out of the way. Also, I wanted to note ads. I have been in FL for around a week , and every night I have been up to watch Robot Chicken and Squidbillies. [adult swim] has the weirdest ads!!! They had this mediacom commercial that they showed, like, 40 times, no exaggeration. They showed it so much, i've memorized the whole thing!!! "Do you still have phone company DSL? It pained me to watch youtube. It would go for a second, then stop, go, stop - and then I'd stop watching. Getting things done with slow internet was frustrating. Switching to mediacom - was easy." Then some guy starts talking- "Get the fastest internet in town with payments of $14.95. Just call mediacom today at 877-442-5159. That's 877-442-5159. Call today." Isn't that dumb? Also, if you have an unattractive first name, please don't name your company after yourself. I mean, my dad was driving down Hwy 98 when we see this building that says "Badcock and Accociates". SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I suppose Big D is doing fine as there has been no SOS's, 911 calls, or Fire Department visits in a whole 12 hours! However, he did fly yesterday. Cool, huh? The end (of the post)

Just A Side Note

Ummm... Well, if you see the casket story on the internet, that is my sister's blog. And I cannot post until Friday.

Caskets and Potatoes

Ok, sorry about the typo in the last post. It is obviously Spring Break and I am in FL. My dad drove me down here and halfway down the map I started laughing like crazy. It was almost 12:00 at night and we drove by this bar that had a sign saying "Smooth, slick liquor and big, manly cigars sold here. Buy one get one free!!!" I don't know how you can have a manly cigar. Anyways, I was like "Hey! Big ol' daddeh! Let's get some manly cigars and when we get to the condo, let's light them up and throw em' off the balcony!" That made me laugh so hard that the car door came open in the middle of the highway!

On other notes, me and my sister, Lucy, were going to my aunt's house today and suddenly she says "Caskets and Potatoes!!!!!!!!!!" Then she made a whole story about caskets and potatoes. It goes like this.

"There once was a guy named Dan Hover. He ate a poisoned potato and he died. Then, his ghost came to life to steal all the potatoes in the world and go back to his coffin and hide the potatoes in the corner of his casket. Then a guy named Phil Loppert was walking in a graveyard and he saw a coffin sticking out of the ground. He dug and found a casket filled with potatoes. Then he went home and to bed. That night, Dan Hover smashed a poisonous potato on his face and he died."

THE END

Weird, huh?